refrain from placing your personal, ‘closed-minded’ expectations upon people; it’s a selfish way to approach life. instead, take in and accept who people actually are; don’t shame them because they aren’t who ‘you’ want them to be, or who ‘you’ think they should be. your life is unique to you and in return it has given you your own personal perspective; a concept that applies to each individual person. expecting people to cater to your own personal biases and beliefs, and expecting people to march to the beat of ‘your’ drum as opposed to the beat of their own drum, is just foolish.
let people live their lives, in peace.
as we perceive the world around us on a daily basis, taking everything in, we as humans subconsciously begin to shape our own idea of the way things are, or more accurately, the way things “should” be. we’ll often ignore the bold truth in a lot of situations, because those truths are unsettling, or uncomfortable. anything that goes against our preconceived notions disrupts our internal safety net, and a lot of the time we’ll do anything to keep that net secure. that net is our defense mechanism, as even if the harsh truth is right in front of us, it won’t matter because that harsh truth isn’t what we “want” the truth to be.
this is where your naivety can be dangerous. a naive nature can be innocent and pure, however it can be equally as hazardous; as a result of your naivety or unwillingness to accept things as they are, you could be putting yourself at risk.
if you don’t eventually overcome your naivety, you’ll drown in the depths of it. keep a warm heart, but an aware mind.
there’s a misconception that playing it safe in life, and holding yourself back or unnecessarily restraining oneself is an example of maturity. in some cases that’s correct, learning to embrace moderation and to not act upon every will and desire is a handy characteristic to carry with you in life, and it’s a characteristic that will keep you grounded. however, in most cases, ‘maturity’ is a another word for ‘cowardice’.
you aren’t being “mature” by choosing the safest route or avoiding forms of passionate self expression. you’re afraid of rejection, and you don’t give yourself the chance to experiment, to explore and to just live your life as a result of that. you’re putting on a ‘front’ in an attempt to appeal to others or to create a false “image” of yourself.
don’t worry about who thinks what, and blissfully live your life. as long as ‘you’ are happy, that’s all that matters.
one of my darker perspectives, but every person reading this is manipulative; such a quality is embedded within a human’s natural survival instincts. as humans, we typically use our manipulative instinct to protect ourselves from other people or to avoid unwanted scenarios. however, we also often use that instinct in a narcissistic manner; to get what we want out of life by being deceitful. it’s an instinct that even the most honest of people apply to their daily lives in some way or another
society has brainwashed men into believing that they’re weaker for expressing emotion; even in a moderate, necessary manner. the fact that you’re so afraid to open up shows weakness, not strength. we have to teach that moving forward; that it’s necessary to express how you genuinely feel
Some people wish not to love, but to be loved; a narcissistic approach to such a selfless phenomenon. This concept isn’t much different from the “strive to understand, not to be understood” concept. We as humans spend days fantasizing about how wonderful it’d be to be loved the right way; to be truly received and appreciated. Most of the time, however, we often forget that those around us have those exact same needs and desires. You aren’t the only damaged soul; most souls that you encounter are in one way or another healing from this harsh life that we must endure. Every soul that you encounter deserves to be loved unconditionally, the same way that you do.
That’s something to keep in mind when you pursue intimate relationships; it’s important that you’re loved, but it’s just as important that you love back. What can you do to make your partner happy?.. How can you make them feel appreciated? Secure? You should spend just as much time thinking about how you can love your partner the right way, as you do thinking about how your partner can love you the right way.
Many things in life can prevent us from being thankful for what we have; we often devalue the significance of what we’re already blessed with. Maybe at a young age your friend’s parents bought him or her a new car once he/she turned 16, while you had to wait a little while longer for your first car. Maybe you’re working a job you don’t necessarily like on a hot summer’s day, while on Instagram you see friend’s of yours taking vacations across the country. Or, maybe other individual’s excel in areas of life where you don’t; socially, financially, athletically, etc. You may often find yourself comparing your life to the lives of others, causing a sense of “unappreciation” for your own qualities or the good in your own life, because in your eyes, others have it so much better.
When we compare ourselves to other people in this kind of manner, the person comparing themselves to others will always be at a disadvantage. You’re only aware of what others show you; their “highlight reel” is all that you have access to, not the negativity in their life that may make you question your own envy towards them. Everyone see’s qualities in other people that they admire, and that’s ok; just don’t let those admirations harm your personal self-esteem.
It’s also important to realize that whether you believe it or not, we are all blessed with invaluable qualities and advantages in life. We all have things about us that our peers admire; so while you’re looking at someone else in admiration, wishing you had some of their gifts in life, they may be doing the same to you. Acknowledge your own qualities, your own gifts, your own accomplishments, and allow those positives to boost your self esteem. Train yourself to admire those around you in a healthy manner, without allowing comparison or envy to come into the picture.
Comparison is the thief of joy because when you compare yourself to others, you typically take the good and the bad from your life, and only compare it to the good in the lives of others. Every person is created uniquely with their own set of talents and blessings, so realize that you too have a gift that sets you apart from others; you too have a gift that people admire. Acknowledge your own blessings in life, and you’ll be a lot happier.
*originally published 5/2016, republished 11/8/2018